Lyrics to Doll Parts by Hole used without thier permission. I could replace with something else but it is what I was listening to when I was writing this. (EDIT) I replaced the Doll Parts lyrics with something different. It is not as good but it is not copied from someone else at least.(/edit)
It was another one of those cold nights. Not freezing cold but still cold enough to suck the heat from your body and leave you shivering. I was standing outside of a small bar enjoying a cigarette with a friend. Random topics being discussed but nothing was the main course. She was looking at random girls that passed by and would often nudge me in my side and nod in their direction. It was fun sometimes hanging with her but the friendship would leave me wanting more. The closeness, the understanding, and the comity gave so much but still it made that which was not there stick out. A few drinks in the both of us and she was a bit tipsy. Knowing that standing in the cold while drinking would not do us any good. I finished my cigarette and rushed her back inside. The musky smell and fog rolled out of the door when it was opened. It enveloped us and tried to choke us. Test our mettle before it allows us entrance into the dark tunnel. Boldly as hero’s would enter a dragon’s lair we entered showing our arms for marks of entrance already given. Stamps on the hands to show we already paid and scars on our arm showing we are still paying. We headed deeper into the bar walking by people playing various games and the roar of noise as many people talk about different things at different volumes mixed together and sounding like a roaring waterfall. Deeper into the lair we go hoping to find some treasure. In the back a guitar strummed alone. It was plugged into an amp and reverberated through the building. It was then I heard her voice…
‘I want to be the one that he calls at night..’
A pained voice straining against a throat that was torn asunder previously by screaming and sorrowful sobs that wracked her whole body.
‘I want him to understand'
'what I mean by unconditional '
'that I am not a prisoner by it and I am still rational'
So much emotion placed forth put on show for everyone standing there. As I head deeper into the lair I saw the stage and her standing there.
‘I have admitted, I am committed’
Her blond hair mussed up and falling over her face. Mascara dripping from her face as her sweat and tears create a river that carved a trail into her face and down her chin. I looked into her eyes and followed the multicolored line down to her chin and watched her lips tremble.
‘Yeah I want you to know… I want you to know.. to know.....‘
The words she spoke turned into sounds that did not make any sense anymore. I stood there captivated by her performance oblivious to the world around me. Occasionally a little bit would pierce the illusion and enter my mind. A little bit of the song here and there would make sense.
'I want him to understand what I mean by unconditional.....that I am not a prisoner by it and I am still rational'
As she repeated the chorus several more times she finally stopped and walked off the stage without a bow or anything. Multicolored droplets of tears sprinkled in the air behind her as she quickly left. It was that cue that woke me up from my trance and I decided I must say hi to that person. I pushed my way through the crowd to the back entrance. It lead out into the alleyway where performers and other people would smoke and chat in-between sessions. The instant I stepped outside the haze from inside the building released it’s grip on me and I saw her leaning against a pole with a slightly bent cigarette hanging from her lips. It would have been lit but she was still crying and the tears ran down the length and created a puddle at the tip soaking the paper and tobacco thoroughly. I went up to her like a zoo keeper carefully approaching a tiger. I reached in my coat pocket and pulled out a cigarette and offered it to her. Poking a bit of the butt into her field of vision but not forcefully. Giving her the chance to gather herself together before she confronted this strange new smoking product. Her lips opened a bit and released their hold on the soggy thing in her mouth and she looked up at me. Her eyes full of anger at my interruption of her moment.
‘Good song up there you want a smoke?’ At times simplicity is best and I did not want her to know how long I have been watching her here outside.
‘There a catch?’ She was instantly on the defensive. This poor girl what could have created such a automated response?
‘No catch unless you want a beer. Then I require to hear you play another song.’
‘What makes you think I would play for simply a beer?’
‘Because I like to listen and you appear to need both a beer and someone who will listen.’
‘fuck off’ She took the cigarette and walked down the alleyway a bit. A small flash of light as she lit the cigarette and the trail of smoke leading from her hand into the sky.
I took my cue and wandered back inside to see if my friend had gotten a drink yet. As I got towards the bar I saw her holed up in a corner with a guy and a girl looking quite happy. So I took a seat at the empty end of the bar far away from the stage. After ordering a beer and drinking about half of it I saw her walk up to the stage again. When she got up there she leaned forward to a waitress who went back to the bar and got a beer. When the waitress came back to her she picked up the beer and pointed in my direction. The waitress nodded and I nodded back. She took a deep swig of the glass and set it down on the stage. She picked up her guitar, plugged in the amp, and started playing. I sat back at the bar paid for the beer and listened.
Its going to be a good night.