Monday, September 11, 2006

I've never been good with sucide letters. At times it strikes a little too close to home to even attempt to write something even if I know it is fictious. However I know I will need one for a character that is wandering around in my head I have been pondering practicing on writing one. Part of me thinks that I would never write such a letter. Instead it would be the volumes of writing I've already done. But eh.. back to the fiction.. How does one write a letter like it? Microsoft word doesn't have a template for it. Do I use the constant past tense for everything though the act wouldn't happen for a few minutes? Do I have the letter set in a future tense? Is it I'm sorry for what I'm going to do or is it I'm sorry for what I did? Perhaps I'm sorry for what I'm doing... Is it third person, first person, or secondhand account? There is probably a Goth webpage out there giving details or is it something that is hidden from public like the proper way of slicing your wrists. Is it something where people think if they don't speak about it then it will never happen? Bah.. Without furher ado and what will probably be the first of many attempts.

Dear Sara…
Know that the time that I’ve known you my days have been bright. You are my star guiding me to a safe place. I know the events that will happen will leave you puzzled. Know what has happened has nothing to do with you. Every time I needed to talk you were there. Those moments I needed to be held you held me. What has happened has been building up for the past several years. My dearest Sara know that I am sorry that this illusion has caused you a lot of pain. It was a comfortable delusion that I was able to almost convince myself was real. I understand what your feelings are and the fact that what I will do or did will cause you lots of pain. I know it is really selfish of me to do this but I want you to understand I was dead 2 years ago. Nothing can change that. I’m sure you will find better but know that you helped make the time together remind me that life can be beautiful. It is just that in the darkness I have to face and be able to live with myself. Nothing you can do can change that. Goodbye my heart. Goodbye my love. Goodbye.