Friday, December 13, 2013

So it ends.  Nothing major just another class of college.  I hope that I pass but even if I didn't pass I hope I have gained enough from it to make it worth while.  While I cannot accurately judge that assessment yet I can hope.  A few complaints on some parts but over all taking online classes has been a good experience.  However for the next class I plan on taking a in person version instead of the online course.  It would be interesting while now allowing me the freedom and flexibility that I currently have with the online classes.  I do not know if I'll keep writing in here.  Maybe the new class Eng 122 will require it too. Time will tell and until then tootles.

Friday, December 06, 2013

Just isn't write.  

One of the things I had hoped going to college would do would be to encourage or get me to write more.  So far it hasn't really happened.  By writing I mean production of fictional content.  Completing class assignments has been difficult enough as I wonder if I have lost my creativity.  Even this blog lacks when you compared it to what I pumped out previously.  My crutch in the past was to use pain as a motivator for writing.  Even when it was self induced through self harm.  Now that I am not depressed nor am I cutting myself the creativity appears to have fled.  Perhaps it never was really mean producing all that,  perhaps it was from the demon attached to my back.  I should be glad to be rid of it as I am content and happy however that does not fit or align with my desire of being a writer.  Now it seems I was looking for an easy crutch or something to help but English Classes has not provided that.  Perhaps I just need more time and effort.  That I do not know.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Book of Morman

So I got to see finally Book of Morman in the theatre.  It made me think about religion and being able to laugh or view satire of something you believe in.  The musical does mock the Morman religion but I think in general it mocks all religions.  You could easily take the story of Joseph Smith and its quirks and compare it to any time in the old testament where God asked his followers to prove their faith.  Yes the plates of gold that no one saw is a odd point but that could be applied to other stories and fables as well.  As one of the songs in the musical covered "Mormans just believe" is a great statement for any follower of faith.  You have to make that initial leap of faith and believe in the religion.  Sure to those who are unable or unwilling to make that leap of faith on the outside it does appear comical or odd but once you make that leap you just believe.

The Church of Jesus Christ and Latter day Saints disliked and publicly disapproved of the musical.  I think instead they should celebrate it.  The same way some Jew's view fiddler on a roof showing a slice of life and idiosyncrasy of their faith I think the Morman church should embrace the musical.  Sure there are moments it mocks and views the things satirically.  However it does correctly show how some bright eyed some religious followers go out and preach the word as if it would solve all the problems.  The word of God doesn't solve all the worlds problems,  it is a guide to show you how you should act and behave while solving problems.  The Bible doesn't cover what to do when you lose health insurance or hundreds of real world problems.  

We are created in God's image and humor is something that is shared among all of mankind.  Sure we all have different flavors of it but everyone appreciates a good joke if they get it.  How can we not view that perhaps our diety also has a sense of humor.  It may be Ironic humor or long story form humor but hey I am sure God can take a joke.  If God can why cannot we.  Laugh at your religion, laugh at yourself, and be able to laugh at the world in general.  Who knows by being able to laugh and perhaps see things a little differently it may strengthen your faith.  For if what you believe in is destroyed by a joke then did you really believe in it?

Sunday, November 03, 2013

As one could see from reading the history of this blog I used to write a lot.  Perhaps a lot is not a good way to phrase that.  I used to unleash a flood of words and letters upon a blank canvas that is my monitor.  It was one of my ways of dealing with life and other things.  I think a part of me still associates writing with those darker times in my memory.  Making just blind writing difficult.  There are times that I try to write and I encounter a wall that blocks so much where I can't even come up with anything besides "I cannot come up with anything so I am going to keep repeating this sentence until something appears."  One can wish for sunlight during nighttime but all the wishing will not make it happen.  I wish I could simply write like I did when I was younger.  I know the writings are not that great but writing garbage is better than not writing at all.  However not being depressed is so much better than being able to write regardless of how frustrating it can be for class.

Sunday, October 20, 2013

Perception is reality, reality is perception.  If you perceive something like your spouse cheating on you the facts of it being false becomes irrelevant.  I trust my wife with my heart and my life.  I know she would not cheat on me.  Her faithfulness I do not doubt.  I see friends and coworkers struggle with jealously and I wonder if somehow I just did not get that gene?  Perhaps I am the fool or too self assured that my reality is I can trust her.  Until I perceive myself as the fool I guess there is nothing to be worried about.

Sunday, October 13, 2013

How do I find someone to interview that ties to my “I believe”.   This is the question I have struggled with for the past few days.  Not many people I know really follow the belief.  The best I can come up with is find someone who is strong and take some of how they react and show how it can be part of my belief.  Perhaps that is the goal to challenge me to find someone who is close and show that I can tie that to something else.  Here goes everything.

Monday, October 07, 2013

It is interesting on how we apply human aspects to mechanical devices.  My TiVo stopped working today and my first thought was a good bye old friend.  Now I'm trying to revive it and thinking of all the shows it introduced me to and the times it allowed my wife and I to share a TV show together without having to worry about the fact it was on when one of us was at work.  I am sure others are as guilty as I am and like me apply it to so many other devices.  Begging my car to start or feeling alone when my friend the smart phone stops working or has no power.  Are we searching for connection and so desperate that we will look everywhere possible but ignore that which is in front of us.  So needy of a friend we consult inanimate objects and apply characteristics to them while ignoring the people around us.  My friend the computer always willing to listen to me even when I'm annoyed with my wife.  Rarely interrupting and willing to take whatever crap I throw at it.  Marry me oh bundle of ones and zero's,  marry me you sexy pile of silicon, marry me for you know me better than anyone else.

Sunday, September 29, 2013

In taking an English class I encounter the typical thing in the text book.  It tells you to keep writing and ignore your internal critic.  Its a difficult thing when I do not have necessarily an internal critic.  I am my critic.  Even when the little voice inside says meh it could be better I had often just scrapped the idea.  One month for National Novel Writing Month I started writing a story.  I got to 8,000 words or so before I scrapped it.  It was a good idea about how suicide effects many people around and sometimes it isn't just 1 life that it destroys.  I was rereading part of it as a quick proof read and I realized this story sucked.  I wasted a huge amount of time on it.  I don't have that time to waste anymore.  The textbook tells you to keep writing and even write that you cannot think of anything to write.  Write about your day, breakfast, the color of the walls.  After 10 minutes of writing about nothing what does it accomplish besides wasting time.  I can understand it is a learning exercise in order to get the word flow going but I find writing from muse so much easier and better for content quality.   I could be wrong as I have no books published and these teachers have probably lots of things published or at least fully completed.

It is hard to change habits formed from years of listening to your own ego.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

I play role playing games.  Sometimes I even run a Dungeons and Dragons game.  I find it helps me think creatively and work on character interactions.  So when I'm writing a story I may put my friends in the position I have a character in to see if they react the same or differently.  While my friends wont have the same motives it helps me see a different perspective for my fictional characters. At times it is weird because I can throw together a few hundred words on the fly for something random but will struggle when I try writing with a goal.  So much of my writings are pieces put together with a little bit of glue and prayer rather than something I wrote as a single stream.  Perhaps that is how most writers work but I always envisioned it as being set upon by a muse and after a few hours you have 20 pages or so written.  Will classes help me in this?  Yes it would however currently I'm taking just the English 121 class and then 122 it will probably be a year or so before I can do creative writing or have time for it since they do not offer it online.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

What does one believe in?

There are probably hundreds of little belief's that fit within your life. It could start as something simple like "No limits"  perhaps even something creative like "Don't be a Dick".  Religion, upbringing, media, and books help form the basic parts but it is self discovery that should lead you to your own creed.  In the journey through life not many ask what you believe and it is usually only actions that speak it.  Sometimes actions are screaming it to the world and other times it is a whisper.  What hinders it is self deception.  We so want to be better than what we are or at least believe we are better than what we are that self deception blocks us from attaining our goal.  Perhaps the best credo/creed could simply be,  "honesty and know thy self".

Thursday, September 05, 2013

My wife and I have two cats.  Toku and Yuki are their names.  Yuki is the one I picked because at PetSmart he was an active kitty eager to play around.  Toku is the one my wife picked because she fell for him due to he only has 3 legs.  His left rear is cut off a little bit above where the knee would be.  Toku was a poor little cat that hid and seemed afraid of everyone and everything.  Three years now we still have both cats and there is a lesson in marketing here.

            The general idea of marketing is to sell a product to someone by making them believe their life or job will be better because of it.  You want to appeal to a persons desires.  I desired a cat that was active that I could play around with.  Yuki was those things.  He would chase after a pet mouse and very active at the store.  Once we got him home and settled in suddenly he became a lazy cat wanting nothing more than to sit in a window and sleep.  Toku surprisingly was the more playing cat once he got comfortable with us.  That is marketing in a simple form Yuki sold us on him being something which was not true and Toku who either unwittingly or deviously crafted act sold us on the “Poor sad little kitty with 3 legs”. 

            We are happy with both but sometimes I look and wonder how did I get fooled and end up with a “fancy” lazy cat.

Tuesday, September 03, 2013

‘Every day is the chance the change the story” A song lyric that I came across when looking for new music.  It is interesting on how this simple line can sum up so much.  Even within the confines of writing it fits perfectly.   It is simple, each day you affect change upon reality.   Made up realitys are not exempt from this either.  That story you write 10 years ago you can revise it so the main character is a diabolical genius instead of the accidental superhero.   While changing a story or bit of writing is much different than changing your life it is often the smallest beginnings that great things spring forth.  Remember all trees massive and tall started off as a single seed.