I keep having this dream. I keep pondering what it means but come up with nothing each times. I never liked applying logic to my thoughts. I don’t think I follow a logical progression. So I hope that with writing this out I can perhaps approach it from a different angle. Perhaps it will help me understand. If it does not perhaps if the dream occurs people will see or understand what happened. I think it is a dream about my death. I always figured it would happen this way just there is more than simply dieing. How can there be more than death? How can one find more in the act of dying? I have considered the idea of death something I would avoid thinking about. The trail of logic that normally follows any thoughts of death goes to how it happened. Since this is a dream and it is something I cannot control then I will allow myself to ponder it more in depth. I just have to keep reminding myself it is a dream and nothing more. Or is it….
So I am sitting in a car that is moving along a highway. I think it is Highway 14 in Colorado. The plains to both sides of me would indicated that though it is hard to tell because it is dark. My headlights shine out in front of me a good distance and I have my fog lights on instead of bright’s because it is a bit foggy. I don’t look downward at all but I can feel the car responding when I press the gas and am looking straight out struggling to keep away and watching for any wildlife on the road. The glow of the console lights are a reddish tinge which would indicated a Pontiac car. The sound of the engine reverberating through the cabin would say a V6 or a V8. It has a almost throaty gurgle. There is no music playing in the background for some reason I do not care preferring to drive in silence listening to my car. I continue traveling in the same direction maintaining a constant speed of which I do not know. I would like to say I am angry or at least tense. Something gives me the idea my mood is serious. I don’t know if it is the clenched right hand on the lower part of the steering wheel or the feeling my jaw is clenched. I do not know if I am looking into the future or into the past I am just driving along this highway heading to my destination. There is a large turn that comes up which makes me ponder it is Highway 14 along with the fact that it only has one lane in each direction. I come up to the turn slowly turning and a truck is coming towards me in its lane. Its bright lights lighting up the fog around making my eyes hurt for a second as they adjust to it. As the truck passes by I look away from the lights but their brightness made everything else darker. Up on the road I see a small form looks like a deer looking back at me. The truck is gone and I hit my brakes and try to steer around it. I slide off to the right and into the ditch still moving pretty fast. The car hit’s the ground with the front end stopping it but the rear still has some momentum behind it and the car flips over. If is at that point I struggle to pull myself bleeding from the wreck clutching my wireless phone onto the shoulder of the road. I flip open the phone and as I sit there struggling to breath I call someone instead of the emergency services. I have had the dream 4 times and each time I call a different friend.
It is at that point I wake up pondering why did I call that person. Is there something weighing on my mind that I must get out? What could I honestly want to say? I ponder if it is a dream about possibilities and not taking the chances I should take or what risks I take each time I drive. Perhaps it is a warning to myself to try to get as much each day as possible. To say those things I hold inside rather than hold them in. To take the first step and find out how I stand or what the future with another person could hold. Perhaps it is myself telling me that a holding pattern is no longer desired. Does a part of me want action or does a part of me want to warn me of the recklessness of my current path. I know I am going to die in a car crash. I know I will die alone and it never really bothered me before. Now I wonder if it is starting to bother me but I deny it. Why can’t I understand this vivid picture that was painted for me?