Friday, September 17, 2004

Its late and have been a good but long night. I should not even be up right now but I figured I would try and at least put forth 500 words or something. So I will take something written and sent to me a long time ago from a friend and go off that.

So many walls
built so high
buried in sorrow
and obscurity
blurring reality
my haven is darkness
my companions loneliness
and despair.
In the blink of an eye
innocence lost
trust broken
love shattered.
I am alone
in a world of my own
not trusting even myself
not opening to the outside
swallowed in my own
pain and misery
drowning in my own
sorrow and self pity
unwilling to grab
the hand offered to me
afraid of myself
more than him,
scared of feeling

I looked back at the computer screen. The words echoing in my head like they came from her directly. The tone and pitch matched beautifully. The sudden realization that I had been missing something came upon me. Things just magically fell into place as I pondered how to respond. She was sitting there in the chat-room waiting for me to say something, anything. I clicked over into the chat room to find out more about my friend.

‘Wow I can’t really say much more than wow.’ I typed both to respond and show how much it amazed me and to buy me more time to think where this will go.

‘I hoped you would like it. When my net was down last night I wrote it.’

‘It is good. Truly amazing. Though it carries a small undertone.. Who did you write it for?’ I knew the answer before I asked the question but I had to make sure.

‘You. As you should already realize I wrote it for you.’

‘I am honored but I ……wa… I ….am speechless’

‘Sorry to bring it up like this all the sudden it is just the last few months of talking on the phone and here have helped me more than many other things. Since the incident with my ex breaking into my house I have been scared but you have helped me get over that.’

‘Speaking of which when is court for your ex?’

‘It was to be next week but he made bail somehow and skipped a pretrial thing. I bet he probably ran home to mommy in Cali.’

‘Are you sure? I worry and suddenly the doors that have opened make me worry more.’

‘What doors have opened?’

‘I forgot to tell you earlier but I was accepted to U of OK. I could be there in a few months and I would need someone that knew the area to get to know things and um…’

‘OMG why didn’t you tell me earlier this is great news.’

‘I did not want to get your hopes up and I also did not know how you would feel about such a thing so I waited… It would be fun we could do lunch between my classes perhaps hangout and play Magic.’

‘That would be really fun. Hmm.. It is getting a bit cold hang on a sec I am going to turn up the heat or close a window or something… brb’


5 minutes passed as I busied myself with surfing the internet. Searching out strategy articles on the game and rumors of new expansion sets. Soon the 6th minute stretched into 7th and 8th. Before I knew it 12 minutes had passed by and no word.

‘Hey you back yet? What did you do decide to build a fire? From scratch? : - ) ‘

I looked away to my other monitor skimming through a play list to choose a different song. Perhaps something a bit more upbeat and happy. I glanced back at the computer screen and saw a weird message.

-- KittyKatt has left the Chat room --

I wonder if she did not realize it was so late? Perhaps she decided to go to bed. I glanced at my clock and saw the late hour being almost 5am. She was a hour ahead of me so she probably crashed. Who cares we will have plenty of time to hangout and chat when I go to college. I logged off some programs and reduced my computer to nothing more than music playing and headed to my bed. I laid down and closed my eyes with dreams of happiness and sharing life with someone filling my head.

Little did I know at the time that it was to be the last time I would ever talk to her again.

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