Tuesday, November 23, 2004

I still try to work at conversation. Enjoy either way.

“JEFF! Jeff! JEFF!” My name called from a long hallway of light. I remember all the stories when you see a tunnel with light at the end your supposed to run away. So I stood there for a moment pondering which I should follow. I started turning around to run away when, SMACK!

I woke up to the sudden burst of pain. My hand went to my cheek immediately where I felt the sting. I looked around trying to gather my surroundings and find out who would prevent me from running away from the light. Over to the right was the floor and a familiar coffee table. Straight a head was a 19 inch television. To my left and up is the ceiling and the familiar face of Sam. Her hand hovering above me like a snake ready to strike again if provoked.

“Why did you go back to that bar?”

“huh? What are you talking about?” A thick cloud covered my mind as I tried to remember what bar or place I was not supposed to go to? Where was I last night? What happened. I scanned my memories to figure it out.

SMACK! As the snake struck and hit my forehead. My chain of thought broken and I realize I must have fell back asleep as my arm was not numb from my weight.

“Answer me or face my wrath mortal.” Now when I looked up I saw a cup of something. I had an idea of what it contained.

“You wouldn’t dare and get your couch soaked.” I was always good at poker.

“Oh yes I would.” She said as she emptied the glass of water onto my face. I sputtered and quickly got up but the damage was done. My haze lifted and the quick movement made me lose my balance as I fell to the floor striking my shoulder on her table.

“Ouch! Why did you pour that on me?”

“I asked you a question and you fell back asleep on me. Now I want answers and your going to talk. Why did you go back to that bar last night?” She reached back and apparently had stocked up on ammunition as she now had another cup in her hand. It was times like this that I could not tell if she was serious or playful. Nietzsche was right, women are confusing and abstruse often like the truth at times.

“Um I was getting a drink there.” Still I could not remember what or which bar she was talking about. Last nights activities were a blur and a few blank spots. I must have drank a lot and crashed on her couch. I hope she didn’t have someone over at the time. Did I make an ass of myself.

“I’m sorry about last night.” When dealing with women always include an apology. I have to give props to my friend Big D and his guide to dealing with women. Mentally I congratulate myself on the proper retort and I get surprised by an ice cube to the face.

“What? I said I was sorry. What was that for?”

“I told you to stay away from her. Why did you go back to the bar?”

Fuck, now it all came together. She found out somehow. I did not think that my short activities there would have been noticed as I had left quickly afterwards. Then proceeded to drink myself into stupor.

“Um I didn’t know she was there, I’m sorry. It was a simple mistake. I did not stay there very long and left early in the night.”

“But you stayed and I don’t know what else you did but I imagine it was not good.” She reached into the cup and threw another piece of ice at me. I was able to dodge it this time and it rattled against the wood floor in the kitchen.

“I could not help myself.” Honestly I did not know why I ended up at that bar.

“I told you to stay away.” She seemed to be getting upset over this whole ordeal.

“Sorry I meant to but I have to say the thought of her dragged me back there.”

“Why Jeff? Why?”

“I don’t know why. Perhaps that’s one of the reasons why I went back there. To try and figure out why. For some reason she has been in my mind. Both her music and her face. Something deeper lies behind her façade that she presents and it draws me in.”

“She does hide behind any masks or layers Jeff. She is not like you. There is no internal monologue with her. There is no ulterior motives with her. There is no plan B that she falls back onto when her initial plan goes sour. She is sporadic and emotional. She is raw and pure. She is the opposite of what you are. Your controlling and manipulative. I love you dear but I want you to stay away from her.” Her arms had lowered the cup was now dangling in one hand as she looked deep inside me.

“Why are you so protective of her?” It was all I could say. Though it bothered me what my friend thought about me. What does she know about the difficulties that I have gone through.

“She is someone special. She will go out and do great things someday. Her band or her music will touch and change thousands of people. She will go out and make a difference while your still here working the late shift at Shop-Mart. I don’t want you ruining her life.”

“What makes you think I would ruin her life? Heck what makes you think she would even take remote interest in me?”

“Because Jeff you’re a likable guy. You’re a nice person by default just you have some issues that need dealt with in your own time. Your laid back and usually carefree. I know that given time what will happen. I wish to avoid that for her. Pick some other nice girl there are thousands out there. You can be happy and complete with one of them.”

I listened carefully letting it soak into my ego a small voice inside my head telling me I should not pay attention as she is complimenting me to hold my attention.

“You cannot protect her forever. Besides if I am such a bad person….”

“Not a bad person Jeff. Your not listening to me. You’re a wonderful person just when your in a relationship with someone your too demanding. Its like we have to choose between you or the world and you expect us to choose you all the time.”
Flashes of insight filled my head as a few things made sense regarding my failed relationship with Sam when we were younger. I know I am a bit melodramatic but damn I did not think I put people in such a position.

“But now that you have told me I can change.”

“You can but you can change and find someone else. Please avoid this girl.”

“That’s asking a lot. What if she is my soul mate? What if she is my destiny? What if she doesn’t even acknowledge my presence? Your assuming a lot about me. I am not some Giacomo Casanova.”

“I don’t want to take a chance.”

“Let me think about this. Your presenting a lot to me. Also I am almost shivering with cold from that water. Do you mind if I use your shower?”

“Sure but know I will not stop hounding you about getting a decision on this matter.”

“Alright just point me to where you placed my bag of emergency clothes.”

She pulled out of the closet a backpack with some of my clothes in it. Since she lived near the downtown area I would often crash at her place after a night of bar hopping to avoid any temptation to drive back home. I took the backpack into the bathroom and started up the shower. While I stood there under the spray trying to rub both sleep and the chill from my face I thought about the previous nights. Did I make a connection with her or am I just another random face? Should I respect my friends wishes or should I try to take a chance with destiny. As I pondered destiny cold water started spraying down on my face as Sam must be trying to tell me to hurry up. As annoying as she was, Sam was a good friend and worth a hundred chances at destiny.

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