Wednesday, February 18, 2004
I hate losing friends. Even the thought of never speaking to them brings me sadness. When I go out and make a friend I somehow seem to expect that to last for life. The core group of friends that I have I have had for several years. These people have known me for half my life in some cases. The though of never speaking to one of them again is almost unbearable. The fact that I am a creature of habit makes this even more difficult to do. So I sit here looking at you and wonder how can I ever truly let go. I know your going somewhere that I cannot follow but I never liked saying goodbye. I also know that as I speak these words to you that you’re not listening. Your mind and attention elsewhere. Perhaps you’re pondering flying on a cloud or something like that. I know your not hear when I am speaking to you but I feel this must be said. I make friends for life. I do everything in my power to keep those friends nearby if I can. I never like losing a friend or saying goodbye to one. I just want you to know that you are still my friend and I wish you a safe journey. I doubt I will ever see you again in this lifetime. I hope that when I die I will be able to spend some time with you in a heavenly coffee shop. You’re not listening to me though. I can understand how my words will just pass through you. I hope you can understand that no matter what I will still come and talk to you even though you’re not going to pay attention. Just the though of speaking to your memory will suffice enough for me. It will keep me from the pain I know will come once I realize I will never get to share a milkshake with you again. It will keep me from clawing at the ground that will now contain you. I won’t bring you flowers for that would be an admittance of your death. I will not cry at your funeral because that will also show I understand you’re gone. I will come here and chat because the though of you moving away or ignoring me is better than the fact that your now dead. So until next Sunday when we will do coffee at noon I wish you the best.