Monday, October 25, 2004

Because the random group of words I just dumped out onto the screen is not really enough here is a thought.

A bit more than I thought but oh well. Sadly it has happened to me that I went to school with and attended various activities with a person but do not remember them from such. Perhaps some repressed memories I do not know. Each person has their own take on life growing up in high school. The memories we retain fit to the ideal we want. I have the not so good school memories. I was not the in crowd person. I was the loner. How much of it is a fabrication of my own psyche constructed to maintain a delusion I do not know. Little things like people who I do not remember or things that happened differently from my memory appear and occur. Sometimes I ponder the idea of attending the 10year reunion to find out more but doubt it would help me. What really occurred in my childhood during those years at high school are forever lost. The little bit I have retained I have to remind myself is shaded with a skewed vision. Little acts of kindness that occurred but I do not remember now does not mean they did not happen. It means I did not want to remember them to keep up the delusion I fabricated. At least that’s what I think so far. I could be wrong and my memories could be 100% correct and the person could be just a rare error. Who knows anymore for I truly do not.

The sun had long since set. The darkness in the hallways broken by the occasional glow of a exit sign. The night was definitely a good time to scout out the building. Paul wandered around up and down the hallways working in his mind the distance and how things will go down. He counted footsteps and possible places he could hide a backpack or sack with a surprise. As a part time janitor he had free access to the building after everyone had left. He was also in charge of making sure any vandalism that happened was reported quickly. So he had a phone that was paid for by the school. As he wandered down each hallway he took careful note where the sprinklers were and the sensors. The thought of an oncoming cold winter made him smile as he thought about his classmates trapped like rats. Horrible things yet to come made him smile while he wandered down the hallways. As he wandered he notice a light was still shining from the library. He grabbed his flashlight and prepped the wireless phone for an emergency call and headed down that way. As he came to the doors they were open and inside there was soft music playing way in the back. Slowly he entered with his guard up wondering if some seniors were preparing a prank for the librarian in the morning. As the spotlight scanned the aisle ways he noticed a small figure hunched over a table. They had a lamp between him and them. He could not see their face but could see the vague outline of a book on the table. He turned off his flashlight so he could watch more before deciding what to do. So he slowly walked up until he was 20 feet away and waited. Still the light was in his way so he moved a bit over to the side and saw the figure was a girl. She had been apparently reading for a while as there was a few other books sitting on the table next to her. She had three total open while reading intently on one. One of her hands was holding a spot in another book and a can of soda kept the third open. She would read from one then jump to the other. Then a quick look up at the can then back to the first book again. Paul stood there and watched for quite a while unnoticed.

The moment was broken by the cackle of the walkie-talkie function of his phone. A voice appeared in the room and startled the girl.

‘Paul I am over at the east entrance. Can you come and let me in? I left my work bag in my office.’

‘Um ok give me a sec to get over there.’ Paul responded into his phone. The while time he was looking straight into her eyes as she had looked up and turned towards him. Paul released the button on his phone and looked straight at her.

‘I will be back in a bit. Please continue what you were doing. Though I have some questions on why your still here at this hour.’ Paul turned and headed towards the entrance. Stopping for a moment at the library doors to close them to avoid questions from the teacher who left his bag. He hurried down the hallway towards the east entrance. As he got to the door he pulled out his keys and quickly unlocked it. He recognized the teacher as one of the math teachers. He escorted him to his office and let him unlock it and then waited for the teacher to emerge from his office. While he stood there in the hallway he thought back to the moment he had with the girl. He could not remember who she was. Which was odd as he had recently taken inventory of his classmates with the yearbook. There was 12 who did not have pictures in his class of 230. Perhaps she could be one of those. If so which one? As he stood there lost in his own world the teacher had emerged and relocked his door. The jumble of the teachers keys shook Paul from his stupor and he escorted him back to the east entrance. Waiving goodbye to the teacher, he locked the door and headed back to the library.

When he got to the library the doors were still closed. He opened them and saw the scene had not changed. She was still off in her own little world reading oblivious to his return. As he walked closer he bumped a chair.

‘I have permission from the librarian to study here for a bit. I was just looking up something written by Neitzche. Sometimes I think he is brilliant but then he says something completely stupid.’

‘And what would you know about Neitzche?’

‘I know that I am the truth and you lack understanding of it still.’ She looked up at him with a smug smile on her face while closing the books. Paul looked at her somewhat puzzled by her statement.

‘I take it you have not read anything of Neitzche?’

‘Only when I wish to go to sleep.’

‘Funny but you should read him sometime. He is sometimes an intelligent man.’

‘Sometimes? One would think he would be able to achieve that all the time.’

‘Sadly no but oh well. My name is Sarah. How can I help you?’

‘I’m Paul I patrol these borders keeping safe from orcs who dare try to invade the southern land.’

Sarah stood up and walked towards Paul with a hand extended. When he responded she got a phone pressed into her hand.

‘Um sorry I forgot I was still holding onto that.’ Paul awkwardly placed the phone and flashlight on his belt. Then he extended his left hand. Realizing his error he pulled it back and thrust out his right hand. They shook hands after much buildup and for a moment no one spoke.

‘I don’t remember you being here last year.’ Paul broke the silence as he still could not place her in the yearbook.'

‘I wasn’t here I took a year off because of family issues.’

‘Ah still I do not remember you at all. I thought I knew all my classmates but not you.’

‘Weird I know you though. I remember you were in art group freshman year. We did the haunted house thing remember?’

‘I remember that but still not you.’

‘I hung out with Amy and Stephanie. Don’t you remember? Suddenly I feel so unappreciated. I helped you setup your background for your mad scientist gig. Also the three of us invited you to Amy’s house for drinks afterwards.’

‘Still drawing a blank. I remember Amy and Steph. Still for some reason I am drawing a blank on you. Weird.’

‘Then lets make new memories as I have been curious what everyone has been up to while I have been gone. Do you have to stay here the whole night or can you go get coffee with me?’

‘I am only here till 8pm then I can leave. Though I doubt anyone would notice if I left early. Do you have a location in mind?’

‘Yes there is a little cafĂ© off of main that has some good coffee and a decent atmosphere.’

‘Wonderful then meet me there in 10minutes then?’

‘Actually it would take longer as I don’t have a car.’

‘No problem I can give you a ride. Let me do a quick scan of the building and meet me by the west entrance. Also don’t forget to turn off the lights.’

‘No problem see you soon.’

‘don’t forget to close the doors also, and put the books away I would have for anyone to get into trouble for the Mrs. Crenshaw’s decision to let you stay here after school hours.’
Paul quickly walked away as he had some new things to ponder and as he stood there talking to her a number of things could have happened to the rest of the building. While Paul did his routine search he focused not on hiding spots or areas where he could maintain cover and still target people but he actually searched for intruders. Suddenly the thought of hurting people who hurt him or laughed at such disappeared. The critical eye scanning for faults was replaced by a smile and eyes full of life.

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