Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Random thoughts.... My theme when I was younger was "Powered by Hate, Designed with Love"

Storing memories like gifts in a secret vault. A special place where they will not be effected by what I am about to do. The horrors I conjure and imagine to create that power that I need. I power myself by hatred. I conjure images and thoughts to make my anger seethe. Powered by hate the alternative fuel of the future. Something we will always have an abundance of. A nonpolluting fuel that exists on nothing more than our own fears and rotten desires. The anger is easy to conjure. My mind is full of those moments I need. However as I grow older I suffer from maturation and I have been leaning towards pity for some of the memories. The anger is getting colder so I hurry to find others to stoke the fire with. Soon I know I will fail and even the most vivid and painful memory will provoke nothing but sadness or pity. What is happening I do not know. I just know the fire is burning out and I require something to keep me going. When I no longer have my anger and hate to fuel off of will I then fall apart. Will I be a nonmoving object sitting around waiting for someone to find me? Like those futuristic movies where cars stand around because the gas has long since run out.