Thursday, June 24, 2004

Blissful sleep as my mind wanders and I dream. Moments of flying through my soul as I sort out the memories from fantasies. Random poetic metaphors appearing and rushing past my field of vision as subconscious tries to tell me something. Ranging from people I know with objects filling out their bodies instead of real bodies. To trees filled with dollar bills and being surrounded by a fence made of paper that says I must pay this much to enter. A do not pass go sign fighting against my get out of jail card. A highway made out of faces of people who I have left behind me as I drive down this road. It has been a month since I started living out of my car. I did it initially because I wanted to get away from a bad situation. Now I find myself saving up money for something I do not know while trying to keep peoples attention off the fact of where I sleep each night. Long drives through the mountains and on the highways after work as I drive tired trying to get to a place where I can rest safely. Not that I could not do that in town I just have to get away. As when I drive away I am keeping the fact I have no real place to call my own hidden from everyone. I am spending more and more time in this seat it seems. Less and less time sleeping though. The days of sitting in my car listening to music and those of driving on the highway blend into one. Now I am dreaming I am driving on a different type of highway. Up in the distance on my dream highway I see what appears to be a vehicle coming towards me. All I see are two headlights getting closer and closer. A sudden thought rushes into my mind. I fell asleep at the wheel! I need to wake up now and quickly pull out of the way of this oncoming truck! I wake up with a gasp for breathe while one foot pushes down on the break pedal and my hands turn the steering wheel to the right. As I am desperately trying to gain control of my car reality sinks in. Suddenly I see I am not on the road. I am parked in a parking lot. A police car has pulled in front of me. My heart slowly goes back to normal while I roll down my window to say hello to the officer.

“You need to move on you cannot stay here.”
Not one to argue I start up my car and drive off to find another place to park. I need to find a place to live as some day I will wake up from that dream and I will be staring into my death instead of an embarrassing moment.

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